Penned this morning while baby was napping:
Yes, Mr Bringin’ Home the Bacon and I have been working away at our little pesky debt for a few months now, and I have to tell you: I’m tired. Not as in i want to ignore our money woes and blow through some plastic on a super posh vacation (although, tempting) but more like the kind of exhaustion that comes with a whole s@*!- ton of new information and ideas, and having to weigh each and every decision against our bottom line.
It’s like brain-freeze without all the yummy-ness of ice cream.
It’s not even the challenge to stay on budget, or finding things to do that are inexpensive or free that are making my brain hurt: it’s the task at hand– the seemingly insurmountable mass of mess. Then, there is all the good, fun, exciting things I’d rather be doing with our dollars for our future that just can’t be done right now.
It’s too much. It’s a ton of background noise and I can’t hear our tune or see our big picture through it all. Total information overload.
Yes. I’m whining. I’m not apologetic about it– I just don’t know where to put all this energy.
Written at 7:30pm:
I just finished reading The Frugal Farmer’s post on denial. And there it was in black and white with her cute little piggie at the top: my real problem is that I’m in denial. A little denial. Ha! See! Denial about being in denial. We want the results, we know something needs to be done. I’m not wanting to do all the necessary work.
And then there is this personal finance blogging community: you all annoy the s*@! out of me. (Please, I know you can’t sense the tone, but I mean this in jest.) You all are in my head, in my ears, nearly every second of the day, with all the holding me accountable stuff and the making more money stuff and the i clawed my way out, you can too stuff, that I love and know is helpful and is having a huge impact on us but….
Damnit, Patrice! (HIMYM reference. Sorry.)
it really makes it hard to stay in denial! I’ve been getting angry, stressed out, things not moving quickly enough, not wanting to blog, or read posts– because I knew that we weren’t doing everything necessary to help ourselves. We are still in denial! I’d like to think we weren’t, but it’s so apparent now–So thanks, to all the blogs I follow for annoying me , and to Laurie at The Frugal Farmer for helping me to pinpoint what, exactly, crawled up my fannie and has me all cranky lately : Denial. Our lack of accepting, even in these few months, how much more can change so that we can finally become free from debt.
*On a totally unrelated note, in an effort to chill out, I did yoga at home this morning for the first time in a long time. Even got up before–well, no. The baby was up at 5 with us, but….I still did yoga today. Yes. Patting self on back as I type.